Wednesday, June 29, 2005

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One of my new corsets arrived today. It's a black PVC underbust with decorative lacing at the front and back. I haven't tried it on yet but it seems very sturdy, 24". I've wanted a good PVC underbust for ages, but I've never been able to find an affordable one until now.

Just waiting for one more (an 22" underbust, Chinese silk with red/gold phoenix material at the front and back, and plain black satin sides), which probably will take a while yet as I'm too lazy to sort out the mock up. Remind me next time I get a custom corset to not bother with them again. Arg. It was originally bought to wear to James's May ball, but that didn't happen, so I just got lazy and then couldn't be bothered to do it. I really should, though, after paying £150 or so (I think anyway, I don't really remember it was so long ago) for it.

If anyone wants to take photos of me in some of my new corsets let me know - I have quite a few that I have no photos of. Nothing too special, just a simple "this is me wearing them" would be fine. Hmm, perhaps that's a task for the weekend, if I go out.

And new boots too. I am spoiled. :D Now, to go scare people at the Post Office with them. Yay!

GCSE and A level passes.

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From here:

On a radio discussion programme I asked two senior newspaper journalists (neither of them education specialists) what proportion of 18 year olds they thought managed to achieve three A-level passes at the minimum pass-grade of E.

"Sixty per cent," said one. "Eighty per cent," said the other.

What do you think?

The answer is just over 25%. Yes, not much more than 1 in 4 of the age cohort achieve three grade Es or better at A-level.

This article really, really shocked me. Wow. I honestly thought it would be at least fifty per cent.

Tuesday, June 28, 2005

Yesterday at Waterstones!

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Meeting Tori was amazing.

Originally, I was going to get there early, at about 9-10am, because I didn't think I'd get in otherwise as they were only letting in the first 200 people. I didn't get on the bus into town until 10, so by this point I was convinced I was too late, but I thought I'd try anyway - even if I wasn't able to make it, I could still have a day in London. I'm so glad I didn't just give up and stay at home all day; I arrived at about 11.30, and was number 82!

This morning I asked my Dad to lend me £20 - I had about £5 on me anyway in change, too. I wasn't sure if the bank transfer for a pair of shoes someone has bought from me had gone through, and I'm so glad it had! When I got there, I checked the price of the books - they were 12.99 for a paperback, and I counted my money and I had just £11.50 left. I was trying not to panic; it would have been so cruel if I couldn't go, all because I was about £2 short! There was an Abbey bank nearby, and I checked my balance and nearly screamed, the money had gone through so all problems were now solved. I took out another £10, and asked one of the assistants how I got into the signing. They gave me a ticket and told me to pick up a copy of the book (I could only get a copy I'd bought there signed), pay, and go downstairs to join the queue. I bought it, shaking, was offered a toffee to eat while I waited (yay!), collected a ticket, and joined the end of the queue. Most of the people around me were on their own, so I didn't feel quite so weird. I had brought a copy of Colin Forbes's 'Year of the Golden Ape' that Dann lent me ages ago, but that I had never got around to reading until recently, so I sat reading some more of that. There was also a mix of Tori songs (both from the Beekeeper and older) playing, so I was kept entertained. At about 12.30, half an hour before Tori was due to come out, a lady came round with a post it note asking who people wanted the book to be signed to and sticking it on the inside page. I waited about half hour more, before the photographers started to get itchy and clicking everytime the back door twitched. By now everyone had stood up, and so I was a bit closer - the queue zig zagged round the book shelves, and I was quite close to where Tori was going to appear (they had put a table out and a display with lots of copies of her books on, as well as lots of Waterstones signs). We had a talk from the guy organising it, who came round and explained that just before we got to meet Tori, he would take our bags and have them ready for us after we'd met her, so that we could hug her and not have our things in the way. He also explained that although we couldn't have our photo taken with Tori, we could take photos as much as we liked afterwards and before, and I kicked myself for not having brought my camera! (I didn't think they would have been allowed, like at her concerts.)

Another 10mins wait later, with the photographers still itching at the triggers, the organiser said "can you all please put your hands together for TORI AMOS!" and there she was! because of where I was standing, she was only about 10 feet away from me, it was amazing to see her so close - I almost burst into tears there! While she posed for photos I tried to calm down, and loads of people screamed and shouted "we love you Tori!", and there were quite a few gasps! People then started to meet her, and the queue slowly moved forward.

Tori took her time talking to everybody, and I think everyone got a hug. It was so nice, I waited just over an hour to get to the front but I really didn't notice. When I got to the front the organiser moved my post it note to the page that was going to be signed - the second page inside, and told me to hold that page so that it was a bit quicker when she came to sign it. By now my hands were shaking, and he asked if I was okay, and I said I was just fine. After the girl infront had finished talking to me, Tori looked straight at me and I almost froze. She gave me a big smile and said "hi! How are you?" I almost burst into tears, I was in so much shock, and all the things I had rehearsed beforehand (about Ralph and the concert, and about winning the tsumani CD auction) completely went out of my mind. I said I was "great thanks" and she asked how my week had been, I said "it wasn't too bad, but it's definitely got better now!" She took the book from me and looked at the post it note, and said "you want it signed to Ralph?" and I explained that he'd bought me tickets to see her concert a few weeks ago in London and then he hadn't been able to go, so I thought it would be a nice present. She signed it, and then asked "what's your name?" and said "shall we sign it from you too?" and asked me how to spell my name. I only just remembered (haha). She then said "you're a very good friend" and gave me a hug, said thank you for coming and I said bye and left, feeling totally starstruck. I got my bag and just stood feeling dazed for a while before being guided back out of the barrier. I stood and watched a few other people meeting Tori, called Ralph, almost in tears of shock, and then went outside still in shock.

I didn't quite know what to do after, I called my Dad just because I had to talk to someone, and almost cried on the phone as well, then later rang Greg who had no idea I was going to see Tori Amos today so was a bit confused! I then bought an ice cream from Thorntons, sat down for a while, and started to get home. I had work in the evening and was just in a daze, the time went so quickly as I just couldn't stop thinking about how amazing meeting her had been. I'm such a Torigeek. :D


Monday, June 27, 2005

Today, I met Tori Amos.

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I got back about an hour ago - squee!

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I guess I just need to accept that things will never be how they used to be, and that my life is forever changed.


Thursday, June 23, 2005

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Monday, June 20, 2005

On the Bound lyrics.

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Baby, lay your head on my lap one more time,
Tell me you belong to me.
Baby say that it’s all gonna be alright,
I believe that it isn’t.

This can apply to so many things going on in my life right now.

Saturday, June 18, 2005

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And so it happens all over again. 6 years of friendship and a year long relationship apparently means nothing at all.

He didn't even apologise :(

Thursday, June 16, 2005

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I still think about him. I know I shouldn't, and that it's not healthy for me to keep checking his journal for updates (although there never are these days) in the hope that maybe there will be a mention of me, an apology, or that he will talk to me again. I know deep down that he never will, but I just don't understand it. I didn't deserve to be fed lies, and if it was all true, then why hurt someone so much? He told me he cared about me. I had no explanation, nothing. Just a text message. That seems hardly fair, by anyone's standards. I thought he was such a nice guy, I trusted him with everything. Now I'm finding it so hard to trust anyone, incase they do the same. If it happened with him, it could happen to me with anybody. I just wanted to be happy with someone I cared about, and have them care about me back. He told me I made him happy. I made him a bracelet, too, it took me ages to make it and I hope he still has it. It would be nice if he still wore it, but I guess he wouldn't, as it would remind him of me.

I guess I just can't let this to rest until I know why. I don't understand why anyone would be so horrible to somebody for no reason. He even told me I did nothing wrong, that I did everything right. Why do I deserve to be treated this way, again and again?

He might read this. I don't know. I wish he would, if only so that he might remember and talk to me again. (Because, despite how upset I am - I really would like it if he did.)

Wednesday, June 15, 2005

Is it cool on your island?

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If you don't treat me better baby,
I'll just run away.
Baby, I don't know what drives you
to play all these silly games...

I gotta brand new dress, babe,
could it make you wanna try?
I guess I didn't want to notice,
the stars gone from your eyes.
C'mon, baby, I'm much stronger than you know,
Sometimes I'm not afraid to let it show.

We could buy an airplane,
Build a home in the sand.
You could tell your secrets,
I could understand.
But then by the morning comes crumblin' down,
and as your leavin' - wait.

When will you wake up?
I want you more than the stars and the sun,
but I can take only so much cool on your island.
You're so cool on your island,
Is it cool on your island?

One day you'll wake up cold,
Then you'll know you love me.

Tuesday, June 07, 2005

Doughnut song.

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Had me a trick and a kick and your message,
well you'll never gain weight from a doughnut hole.
Then thought that I could decipher your message,
there's no one here dear, no one at all.

And if I'm wasting all your time this time,
maybe you never learned to take.
And if I'm hanging on to your shade,
I guess I'm way beyond the pale.

Saturday, June 04, 2005

TORIEEIEE (and feeding the ducks).

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Yesterday was great - I had such a good time. I went around town in the morning for a while, asked in a few job agencies about temporary work. They all said I needed office experience, as some of the placements are only a few days, so they don't have time to train me up. I then went to the Co-Op bank (where Dann's Mum works) to ask about getting some volunteer work, to give me office experience. I had to open account, but that was pretty simple, and I've got to go in at 10am on Monday to start. I'm looking forward to it, even if it's not paid at least it'll hopefully help me get some more work in the future.

I then walked down to the train station, got a ticket into London. I'd originally planned on meeting Greg at 4, but I texted him when I got to the station at about 12.15, as I had finished up in town earlier than expected. He asked me to meet him at Camden, as it was easier and inbetween High Barnet (where he lives) and Liverpool Street Station (where my train terminates), and he arrived at about 1.30. I got there about half hour early, and it was very odd to have tourists staring at my tights (I was wearing flourescent green fishnets) and people looking at me, then looking at my legs, then looking confused at me again. Hmm. Anyway, we wandered around in Camden for a bit, went for a drink in the Wetherspoons there, then went to a pond in Archway on the outskirts of London where Greg used to live, bought some bread, and fed ducks. It was really fun, except all the time we were being surrounded by pigeons and crows eager for crumbs, which was a bit intimidating as there were so many of them. We sat outside a cafe for a bit on a bench (it was actually quite a nice day, quite hot) and chatted for a bit (and Greg wanted to look at my shoes). Then went over to a different part of the park onto some wooden planks over a different pond, and fed more ducks. There wasn't as many as on the other, and they took a while to come over (it was quite a big pond), and later some baby geese came over. They were so cute, still yellow and fluffy. We fed them by hand, they were really brave. Greg did quite a few times, but I wasn't really very good at it, as they tugged really hard for baby ones and I kept dropping it when they tugged on it! But I did once as Greg grabbed my hand so I didn't let go of it, and it was so cool! Aww!

After the bread was finished our tummy's started to rumble, and so we went to a kebab shop in Camden Town (it was on our way back to the venue anyway), and while we ate it chucked it down with rain. It was a bit scary - thunder and lightning and everything. Lightning sounds different in London, it echoes around all the buildings. Very odd. Ralph had lost the tickets the night before (he put them in a safe place and then forgot what the safe place was :D), and as the person who bought the tickets had to collect the duplicates from the box office, he came all the way down on the train to the venue, just to go all the way back. Aww! We met him in the shopping centre that the Hammersmith train station connects to, and then walked over to the venue - I realised I'd been there before, although for what I can't remember, although I know it was with Dann. Evanescense or Nightwish, maybe? Anyway, Ralph got the tickets, but as we went through the door we were told they weren't scanning correctly, so we had to call Ralph and ask him to come back, go back to the Box Office, and fix it. Awww. I bought a t-shirt (£20 though!), and although I wanted a program, I didn't want to spend £10 on one. The prices were pretty expensive. I should've just bought a poster, or something.

We found our seats in the middle of Tom McCrae's set, he was actually not that bad. Quite relaxing. Spent most of the time until Tori came on at 8.15 fighting over the arm rest and elbowing each other - Greg was on the end, and so was trying to use mine as well. So rude :p Eventually we compromised and he lent on my arm, but I was still unimpressed. You're only supposed to get one! And the guy next to me used all of my arm rest, although the chairs were in pairs so there were two on my right, he used both, and I was too polite to ask him to give me my half back.

The setlist:

Original Sinsuality
Blood Roses
Sweet The Sting
Cloud On My Tongue
Jamaica Inn
Cool On Your Island

Tori's Piano Bar:
Hoover Factory (Elvis Costello cover)
Millworker (James Taylor cover)

Barons Of Suburbia
Sister Janet
Spring Haze
The Beekeeper

1st Encore:
The Power Of Orange Knickers
Putting The Damage On

2nd Encore:
Amber Waves
Silent All These Years

She was amazing - I immediately got sucked in. We had really good seats, in the circle (ground floor, basically) and quite close to the front. She sang some of my favourite songs (Putting the Damage On, Spring Haze, Cloud on my Tongue) and Blood Roses (another favourite) sounded so different on the organ! And watching her play both the piano and the organ at the same time was amazing! Although it did make me giggle a bit when she was trying to hold a note, and switching from the piano back onto the organ or vice versa, and had to switch microphones inbetween - that probably could've been better planned, as it happened a few times. Cool on Your Island was weird, it was so odd not hearing the cheesy 80s drums in the background. I got so sucked in - she was on stage for over 2 hours, but it really didn't feel like it. I was disappointed when she started playing the opening chords for The Beekeeper, as I knew that was the end of the set (she's started each show with Original Sinsuality and ended it with The Beekeeper, so it was pretty obvious), it hadn't felt like 2hrs at all. I didn't know either of the covers, and so started to zone out a bit (I'm a bad fan), because they seemed to sound similar and were quite slow, and I'm sure the second had some of the same lyrics as the first. Hmm. Anyways, it was awesome, and something I've been waiting for 3yrs to see! I miss the harpsichord though. I hope she makes up with it sometime soon, because that I would have loved to see. It also made both of us laugh when some random guy said "I LOVE YOU!" in the middle of her talking to the audience. Hahaha. She said "love you too" back, I bet he takes her seriously. I'm sure they'll be a post on the Internet soon saying "OMG TORI <3s ME!"

We managed to get back to the train station pretty easily, had a burger (if anyone asks, I had a chicken burger, not a double cheeseburger! I'm also a bad vegetarian), and then got the tube to Liverpool Street so I could get home. I got on the 11.30 train back, I was actually secretly disappointed because I wanted to spend more time with Greg as opposed to alone and falling asleep on the train (I was pretty sleepy by then, I got up at 7). We had a good laugh together though, even if most of the time was spent with him picking on me because I kept making fun of his shoes (they sounded like stilletos, haha). He's tall (about 6ft) so my argument is, I was at a disadvantage from the start - he kept grabbing the back of my neck whenever I'd go to elbow/poke him and keep me at arms length so I couldn't. Plus he's stronger than I am, and could just hold both my hands with one hand. I feel so weak and inadequate.

My Dad arrived to get me from the train station just as I came out, which was really good timing, at about 12.15. I got in and almost went straight to bed, I was so worn out.

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